Also known as The Culture Coach I am a certified wellness coach that specializes in empowering women to find the courage to live a life free of guilt, people pleasing, perfection, & cultural norms
I grew up in a household where I didn't understand my parents background while trying to navigate through "fitting in" with my peers.
As a firstgen, there was an aspect of assimilating I had to go through myself because many times my parents didn't understand my perspective and I didn't understand theirs.
Additionally, my parents had an arranged marriage-- a concept I never understood. How could you marry someone after one time of meeting?
I spent a majority of my life searching for answers. Heavily studying the ins, outs and historical context of why this happens, why divorce is taboo and how women in my community endure abusive relationships for the sake of "what will other people think?"
A lot of the answers were the same: "my family is going to disown me." "my community is going to disown me." "where will I go?"
I related to that HARD.
That was my greatest fear growing up, it had me walking on eggshells and fear in my own home for many years, hiding a lot of my life from my parents and kept me at distance for people I considered friends.
I had harsh expectations I had to meet, and was punished if it didn't happen, or if couldn't live up to it. I wasn't allowed to hang out with boys, friends, date and it suffocated me, kept me small, kept me trapped. All that mattered at the time was grades, school, college.
I actually didn't feel comfortable talking to my family or community about my personal life until my late 20s. By then all they were focused on was marriage.
Marriage? I would think to myself... my whole life I wasn't allowed to get close to anyone and now you want me to share a life with someone?
It was like they wanted the arranged marriage cycle to continue. From a young age I was convinced that if I wasn't married or didn't have a husband that I wasn't good enough as I was.
Even with a budding career it wouldn't matter without a man by my side.
I once had an aunty from the community come up to me and say, "you're sooo pretty, why arent you married?"
W.T.F? Seriously? What a superficial comment, I thought.
But it was one place in my life where I could put my foot down. No one could make me get married.
And that was the first time I tasted freedom.
The fear that I was brought up with could have easily been seeded into the next generation. But that was something I refused to pass on. I went to therapy for 3 years, and constantly invest in my own personal development-- I have reaped and seen all the benefits myself. And that's why this work is my SOUL purpose!
It's scary to step over the line, date, develop intimate relationships, or even pursue careers that light our souls on fire!
But it doesn't have to be that way! Infact, we can develop our relationship with fear, kick guilt in the butt and seriously live the life that we have always desired.
It's just takes some, love, compassion and attention towards focusing on ourselves first.
When our cups are full, then everything and everyone else that surrounds us can only ad-value to our life!I WANT TO FILL UP MY CUP!